Everyone has their own reasons for turning to drinking. Ultimately, we know that alcohol allows us to numb any discomfort we are feeling, but the cause of this discomfort is different for all of us. My reasons were a lack of self worth and a deep sense of not belonging…anywhere.

This started for me at a young age. I remember being the only brown kid in my ballet class and my tights were the wrong color. I was also the wrong color. A lone dark mark on an otherwise white page….I once heard the term ‘shit stain’ to describe this…

Growing up I had many alcoholics in my family. They were literally falling down drunks. Vomiting after dinner parties, prone to violence, getting DUI’s, losing their jobs, homes and children. So when it came time to evaluate my drinking it always came in at a solid — ‘well, I’m not that bad!’. What I was comparing myself to was absolute destruction.

Since parts of my life were functioning perfectly fine while others were crashing and burning, I was having trouble defining my relationship with alcohol and determining if it was even a problem. Was I a ‘high functioning alcoholic’?, ‘a…

I am not a turtle without a shell, anymore. The first few weeks after I quit drinking I felt naked, exposed, hyper-sensitized to every emotion. My shell was alcohol and now I was lacking all of the protection and assurance that shell had given me. The hand of wine patting my head and stroking my hair while saying ‘See, I told you, it would all be ok. Everything is fine now’. I was missing the warm cuddle at the end of the night that allowed me to ‘sleep’.

As the weeks went on, the cravings decreased, the feeling of being…

Sonia Kahlon

I create self portrait fine art photography images. I love manipulating images to create a fantasy world that my character is interacting with.

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